A Few Good DSPs

[tube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtYiKpfFrZI[/tube]

*PP … Premium Publisher
*DSP … Delusionally Self-Important Poseurs

—At a recent IAB board meeting.

PP: DSP, I just have one last question before I call Rob Norman and Matt Spiegel.

PP: If you’re placing exchange orders in a transparent fashion, and you don’t arb the media?

PP: Then why is my tier one inventory suffering?

PP: Why would it be necessary to cut off the networks?

DSP: Audience targeted media optimization is complicated…

PP: That’s not what you said. You said you weren’t arbiting a media because of the transparency. You said you were transparent. And I said “Totally transparent?” You said “Is there any other kind?” I could have the IAB secretary read back to you…

DSP: I know what I said I don’t have to have it read back to me like I’m an idiot.

PP: Then, why the big margin? DSP?

DSP: Sometimes you have to take a position in the inventory.

PP: No sir, you made it clear just a minute ago you’d never arbitrage like the networks. So your margins and evaluations shouldn’t be that high, should they, DSP?

DSP: You, snotty little bastard.

Prosecutor: Your honor, I’d like to ask for a recess?

PP: I’d like an answer to the question, Randal.

Judge: The IAB will wait for an answer.

PP: If your agency partners place buy orders based on proprietary data segments then why did my prices suffer? DSP? You bought look alike segments on cheaper sites because that’s what your agency told you to do. And when my pricing suffered, you made an excuse. You claimed the audience segments were bad, you blamed the data aggregators. And you gained the exchanges and pocketed the difference.

PP: DSP, did you cheapen my CPM?

Judge: You don’t have to answer that question.

DSP: I’ll answer the question. You want answers?

PP: I think I’m entitled to.

DSP: You want answers?

PP: I want the truth.

DSP: You can’t handle the truth.

DSP: Son, we live in the world with Ads and those Ads have to be bought by firms with technology.
Who’s gonna buy it? You? You, Mr. Media Agency? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.

You scoff at audience segmentation. You curse the DSPs. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. And while the hype in our sector is excessive, it drives efficiency. And my valuation while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, drive efficiency. You don’t wanna know the truth cause deep down in places you don’t talk about it IAB meetings. You want us auctioning your inventory. You need us auctioning your inventory.

We use words like Data, RTB, Exchange. We use these words as our back bone of life spent buying media. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to someone who sells targeted advertising under the very blanket of optimization that I provide and then questions the manner in which I optimize it. I would rather you just say thank you and went on your way

Otherwise, I suggest you build an algorithm and do it yourself.

Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to.

PP: Did you cheapen my prices?

DSP: I did the job I was supposed to do.

PP: Did you cheapen my prices?

DSP: You’re god damn right I did!